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Warning: Oncoming Holiday Season Does Not Yield to Radio Employees

The Wacky World of Radio (Humor, Satire)


Wacky World of Radio Logo

Wacky World of Radio Logo

Graphic Credit: © Corey Deitz
The traditional holiday season (Halloween through New Year's day) is a very special time at radio stations in the United States. There are more smiles in the hallway, daily free cookies in the break room, and more Grey Goose in the top drawer of the Sales Manager. I'm not suggesting there's a lot of drinking in radio sales but "Mai Tai" is not a clothing accessory in that part of the building and there's a reason why everyone calls Tom, the sales manager, "Mr. Collins."

Radio Puts the FM (Freaky Mask) into Halloween

Halloween in radio is always fun because inevitably, somebody in the office staff sends around an email suggesting everyone dress up on the Friday closest to Halloween. The result is often hilarious.

  • 55 emails go out.
  • 5 people show up with masks.
  • 1 guy shows up in full costume dressed like the spitting image of Frodo Baggins and repeats to everyone he sees in the hallways: "I have to leave the Shire. Sam and I must get to Bree."

Of course, there's always one young woman who comes in looking like a hooker which completely blows the company's sexual harassment policy. (Oops: my mistake. She dresses this way everyday.) This is the same woman who participates in the "Secret Santa" exchange and gives gifts like "The VibraDoodle" personal massager. The company has a separate law firm on retainer just to address the issues she creates.

Aside from Ms. CompletelyInappropriate, the Halloween holiday gives employees a chance to put little bowls on their desk full of candy corn for people who visit them during the day. Visiting employees is the #1 thing people employed in radio do. The #2 thing is updating their Facebook page. The #3 thing is texting on their smartphone messages to their spouse like "Honey? I won't be home for dinner because a few of us are going out for drinks with a co-worker who is dressed like a hooker." And they wonder why the divorce rate is so high in radio.

New Radio Format: Plymouth ROCK!

When you reach Thanksgiving you know you are smack-dab in the middle of the holiday season. If you are in radio and it's Thanksgiving, you are usually thankful for still being employed. I remember one year I was actually fired the day before Thanksgiving. Really. There's nothing worse than getting canned like some gelled cranberry sauce by a guy in the front office who, by every account, is as dumb as a box of stuffing.

If you host a morning show, Thanksgiving is a good time for a variety of promotions like "Frozen Butterball Bowling" where you use frozen turkeys to "bowl" against pins or a

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