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The Wacky World of Radio - The Radio Station Business Manager

Today's Lesson: The Business Manager (Humor/Satire)

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Wacky World of Radio Logo

Wacky World of Radio Logo

Graphic Credit: © Corey Deitz
Radio is like any other business: it requires people to work in offices who do a lot of very adult things like using telephones, computers, receiving shipments, and collecting payments due. This is completely opposite of the people who work ON the Radio. (Those losers are contractually forbidden from doing adult tasks which is just as well since they possess very few marketable skills.)

Congratulations! You're the High Bidder!

The Business Manager is a highly trained professional who sits behind a computer and is skilled at such office applications as YouTube, Facebook, and eBay. Other important duties include planning the monthly birthday party for staffers, ordering more coffee supplies for the break room, and most of all: flirting with the morning deejay.

The Business Manager is also responsible for making sure that money flows in and out of the radio station. A long time ago that used to be the responsibility of the deejays until a scandal known as "Payola." As a result, the government forbid deejays from accepting money from record companies for playing certain records. That ended the prosperous times in Radio. Ever since then, radio stations have had to resort to making money by selling an actual product.

Now You See it, Now You Don't

Radio is one of the few businesses which sell products you can't see. We call this invisible stuff "commercial time" and the sales department actually refers to it as "inventory" (even though none actually is stacked on shelves anywhere.) These "commercials" seem to float around "in the air" and once they are heard - they're gone without a trace. Believe me: if Amway could have gotten away with this idea of "invisible products", it would have jumped on it long ago instead of trying to hawk all that soap and vitamins.

Of course, products that you can't really see pose a small problem for the Business Manager - especially when trying to create a PowerPoint presentation. That's why often in such presentations, "commercials" are depicted as cats. That's because everyone knows what a cat looks and no one knows what a "commercial" looks like. This is also why a small group of Radio Business Managers have been lobbying Microsoft for years to standardize cats in Excel spreadsheets instead of all those pesky numerals.

You Have a Bright Future as a Cog

The Business Manager at a radio station also keeps track of payroll. This has become easier over the years since only 3 people now work in Radio due to massive downsizing and consolidation over the past 15 years. The Business Manager is also in charge of filing paperwork like that generated from the sexual harassment lawsuit the morning deejay brought upon himself after repeatedly telling the Business Manager she had a "butt that cried out for company."

So, in conclusion remember: Great opportunities await the person who becomes a radio station Business Manager. It is a crucial cog in a business operation which - if it were a house - would most likely have a sign on the door saying "Condemned."

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