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Not an Interview with the Controversial Radio Host Alex Jones

Satire

By

Alex Jones, Radio Host

Alex Jones, Radio Host

Photo: Creative Commons License
(I recently did not sit down across from fiery radio talk show host, Alex Jones. I have never met him, have not spoken with him, and the following conversation is completely made up. Now, on with the interview.)

Corey: First, thanks for taking time to not speak with me.

Alex: Even if I had the time, I wouldn't. I don't like time. Don't like clocks. I don't know whether you've noticed this or not but clocks go in a direction called "clockwise." I'm not sure I'm willing to just assume that's wise at all. Of course, I like the fact that they rotate to the right rather than going "counter clockwise" which means they'd be rotating to the left. Right's better than left. Right? If I had my way, I'd have them rotate up and down.

Corey: What does that mean?

Alex: I can't tell you. And why should I even trust you?

Corey: No particular reason. Can we talk about your websites? They have such interesting names like InfoWars.com and PrisonPlanet.com.

Alex: Yeah, and I have a few more planned, too. I've already registered StopLookingAtMeThatWay.com and WhyAreYouTailingMe.com.

Corey: I assume you have a lot of traffic to your web properties - and they generate some good ad dollars for you?

Alex: Yeah, but I insist all my advertisers pay me in non-hybrid seeds. I don't trust currency issued by THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GOVERNMENT and their BIG BROTHER AGENTS working in the Department of the Treasury deflating the dollar!

Corey: So, if I want to advertise on any of your websites I have to pay you in non-hybrid seeds?

Alex: Or non-hybrid gold.

Corey: I don't know what that is.

Alex: Of course you don't. Nobody does. I just made it up. Try and keep up with me, will ya?

Corey: Your radio program is heard 11:00 a.m. until 2:00 p.m. Central time on quite a list of radio stations. I noticed you're heard on a lot of AM radio stations.

Alex: That's right. AM actually stands for Ammunition Magazine.

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