(As the story goes, some radio listener penned this email late one night to the Radio God and sent it to an address he found deep within some Radio-oriented website. The writer had a few suggestions, compliments, and gripes about Radio and felt it was time to reach out to a higher source. You can read that email now.)
Dear Radio God,
It’s only me. I wanted to thank you for that great tune I heard the other day. I wouldn’t have normally heard it because the only station my car radio picks up right now is pretty formatted and the music library is probably 150 songs or something. But, as luck would have it, some DJ quit right on the air and as his last act of defiance, he yelled, “And to my Program Director, how do you like this!” and he tracked the unedited version of “Horticulture Nightmares” by the Kill Death Feelgood Band. Man that was awesome.
Anyway, since you’re omniscient and all, I was wondering about a few things. First of all, that satellite radio merger. WTF? I mean I was supposed to be happier when it was done and I’m not. You probably know I lost some favorite channels and inherited a few others I sorely hate. Seriously: who in the hell is “Cousin Brucie” and why does he keep playing “The Theme from a Summer Place”? Please give their CEO a check for $1 Billion dollars so he can pay off the SIRIUS XM debt and restore some normalcy there.
Where’s all the local talent? I used to listen to real people who answered the phone when I called. Now, I just get a busy signal ‘cause the stations either are voice-tracked or syndicated. Buch of longtime folks got fired recently, too. What’s that all about? Hey: how about a real live overnight guy? I don’t know when’s the last time I heard one. They’re like extinct – like some kind of polar bear or something. If I photograph one, do you think I can sell it to a tabloid. Just kidding….
I don’t mean to be pushy, but it’s like 2009. Wasn’t I supposed to have Internet Radio in my car by now? Do you know some company is coming out with a flying car and I can’t even get Last.fm on my car radio without some convoluted pain-in-the-butt iPhone app-to-fm-modulator-from-Best-Buy-thingy-to-some-unused-frequency-on-my-fm-band setup? Meanwhile, you’re still screwing around with Wi-Fi radios for my home. Hey, I’m like past that, dude.
Other things I’m a little annoyed about: radio stations that never have enough t-shirts. All I want in life is a freakin’ t-shirt from my favorite station and every time I show up where their van is the guy says, “Sorry dude. We’re outta’ of t-shirts.” Jeez…I’ll even pay half for one. I mean, I’m offering to advertise the damn station across my man boobs and I can’t score one to save my life!
I don’t want to sound all negative and everything so let me tell you what you’ve been doing right. First, I appreciate the company. Can’t tell you how fast the time goes at my crappy job ‘cause I can listen to a favorite station. I won some concert tickets last year from a station and it saved me a hundred bucks and the show was killer. Did I mention that free is cool? Well, the AM, FM and Internet stuff, anyway. Oh, and just between me and you there was a real dark time a couple of years ago after my mom died when I didn’t really want to talk to anyone but this guy on some talk show really made a difference in my life and kind of helped me through it. I can’t remember his name but I’m sure you know who I’m talking about. If you can, give him a raise.
Well, that’s it for now. Thanks for listening Radio God. I hope you get my email and if you have a chance, write back or if nothing else, give me a sign – anything – like bringing back “X Country” on XM but if you can’t do that, a radio station t-shirt under my pillow would be cool.
