Retire? Renew? Go back to commercial radio? Become a spokesperson for Old Spice? Nobody knows yet. But, I've put together a short list of things I'm pretty sure he's not going to do.
1. Put seed money into The Howard Stern Endowment to Create Better Radio People - I knew Stern had contempt for some people he worked with in Radio and especially his old nemesis, the F.C.C., but I didn't know how devoid the business was of talent until he summed it up recently upon not being inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. Stern said:
"The idea of having a radio hall of fame is ridiculous because there aren't enough guys in radio that are good enough to even have one. The radio dial is just an abomination. There's such a lack of talent it's sickening. It's just that everybody else sucks."
Ouch.
2. Establish The Mel Gibson Institute for the Promotion of Profanity-Laced Language - One of the great joys for Stern when he moved over to Satellite Radio was gaining the freedom to drop an "F" bomb or say anything else he wanted to without being admonished or fined by the Federal Communications Commission. But, in light of the recent published conversations between Mel Gibson and his former girlfriend, I'd say Stern is no longer Master of that Domain. Actually, when it comes to bad language, Mel Gibson makes Stern look like Regis Philbin.
3. Agree to a new reality show to be presented on MeTube - Stern has always been a clever promoter and he's no stranger to video. And although he probably could warm up to an online video channel devoted solely to his private moments, he no doubt sees the wisdom in never being caught on camera at his age without proper attire to keep in check any man boob eruptions or other embarrassing problems.
4. Becoming a player in a new porn/news hybrid channel called Fox Nudes. Naked women and sex are two things closely aligned with Howard Stern's career. Possibly no man in Radio - or on earth - has seen more naked ladies before 10 a.m. than Stern. But, could Stern be happy consulting naked newscasters? Sure, it would be fun for a while to zoom in on two breasts and superimpose "Fair Skinned and Balanced". But, how long before the thrill of that is gone?
So, these are things I don't think he will pursue. As to the next step in Stern's career, we'll all have to just be a little more patient. But, I got plenty of other ideas so....call me Howard...when you're ready.
