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PLEASE: Leave Naked Listeners to the Professional Radio DJs!

Satire

By Corey Deitz, About.com

Aug 14 2004
Recently, Richard Brown, a 40-year-old DJ-wannabe, was arrested an charged with multiple counts of criminal confinement and identity deception for luring at least 10 people to his home under the premise he was a DJ and then trying to get them to take off their clothes.

Brown placed calls to male employees at Indianapolis area restaurants and then told them if they came to an address (his house) they would have a chance to win $50,000 or a new car.

When these poor suckers arrived at this home, he told them to take their clothing off. Luckily, nobody was hurt during these ruses and thankfully, Mr. Brown is now in jail. Not surprisingly, Brown was already in home confinement for a previous conviction. Now, he has been put in the slammer to serve out the rest of that sentence while he prepares to go to court for these new ones.

Personally, I’m incensed. Actually, I’m outraged!

Just who does this guy think he is impersonating a DJ and asking people to take their clothes off?!!

This is the kind of behavior only a real, qualified and trained disc jockey should be permitted to undertake. It’s an affront to all DJs that anyone would even attempt to get someone naked at their own home!

How amateurish!!

We’re professionals and as such, when we ask someone who we’ve just met over the request line to take off their clothes, we’ll do it in a motel, thank you very much!

Why? Because we're pros and besides, we don’t want our wives to know. That’s why!

And another thing: This guy insulted all DJs with just his name: Richard Brown. What kind of Radio name is that!!? He should have at least had the decency to change his name when he was trying to scam these people.

Everyone knows American DJs always make up air-names that are comprised of two first names. That’s the disc jockey rule: Bob Lewis, Kenny Dale, Billy Alexander. This is written in stone! Trust me. Never BROWN. I did a Google search on the words “Brown” and “radio” and the first radio person I found with “Brown” in his name works for a PUBLIC RADIO station in Santa Cruz, California. Public Radio doesn’t count. Everyone knows that!

The only exception to the "two first names" rule is the famous “one name” rule for deejays like "Opie and Anthony", "Bob and Tom", "The John and Ken Show", "The Corey and Jay Show", etc. That’s it. Case closed. NO "Browns".

I know this stuff. I just spent two years writing about DJs in my book, "The Cash Cage". (Yes, if DJs know about anything besides sex and made-up names it's how to plug something.)

So, on behalf of all Radio personalities, I demand an apology from Richard Brown for trying to smear the name of good, hard working DJs everywhere who are using two first names for their made-up air name in an effort to have sex with listeners legitimately. I don’t think that’s asking too much.

After all, Richard Brown’s in jail. He’s got time to write an apology.

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