“Waketh! Waketh and Rise! The time tolling is nothing less than 6 a.m. and this is your host, 'Yank Yer Doodle'!"
(He reaches over and squeezes a rooster in such a way as to elicit several cock-a-doodle-doos.)
"Yes: it’s the Tea Party Morning Zoo...
…and you’re listening to K-LEV - (pronounced K-Leave) – your station for all the latest news on leaving the King’s protection and forming a more perfect union!"
(He kicks a duck nearby that punctuates his sentence with a “Quack Quack”.)
"Speaking of 'perfect unions' – you should have seen the babe I was with last night. Some wench named Betsy Ross. Boy did she run a flag up my pole! I’m talking about the kind of 'congress' between two consenting adults that makes you see stars!
But, you know me: I’m a confirmed bachelor. Like I always say: Give me liberty or give me breakfast – preferably a Continental one."
(He leans over, grabs a medium-size bell and starts ringing it)
"Here ye! Here ye! Two minutes have passed the hour of 6 on KLEV – and all is well!"
(He drops it back down on a wooden table.)
"Hey patriots: what a show! Later this morning, my good friend, Tom Jefferson will be our guest with an update on that Declaration of Independence thing he’s been working on. He says he has a very funny story to share concerning some gag clause he tried to sneak in concerning gay marriage.
What a prankster! Ha Ha! Next thing you know he'll be trying to convince us he's been sleeping with slave women! Ha Ha! Okay...too much fun. Time to pay the King's tariffs and taxes with a word from our sponsor."
Announcer: "This portion of the 'Tea Party Morning Zoo' is being brought to you by the makers of muskets. Remember their slogan:
If you’re a minuteman
And it’s Redcoats you hate,
No better gun in hand
To seal their lousy fate.
Now back to you, Yank."
"Thanks! And speaking of minutemen, hey men: 5 minutes after 6 on K-LEV and here’s the latest from Paul Revere and the Raiders called 'Indian Reservation'.
(Gunfire is suddenly heard nearby...)
It’s #1 with a bullet! But, then again, everything around here is lately....
