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When once asked how he got up so early in the morning, my on-air partner, Jay Hamilton, responded:

“You don't get used to it. You get used to the way it feels.”

Of course, he means that special feeling a morning DJ gets at 3:00 AM when the buzzing of the bedside alarm clock pierces his sleep more violently than O.J. with a steak knife.

I guess it's akin to the way one feels on New Years Day - only you get to revel in that hung-overish-lack-of-sleep-I-stayed-up-too-late thud in your head 5 or 6 times a week. Given these circumstances, the Morning DJ has a slightly different perspective on the world, as defined here:

Coffeine - Coffee that has been brewed with two bags, instead of the suggested one bag in order to ingest as much caffeine as possible in the smallest gulps.

CarboHeyThanks - This is food given to Morning DJs who, according to the F.C.C., are required to eat all free food as a public service. Most survive on a diet of carboyhdrates that are brought to them by caring listeners or advertisers looking for a free plug. Favorite CarboHeyThanks include: donuts, moonpies, crunchy things from the candy machine down the hall, pizzas, corn dogs (seasonal and accompanied by State Fair promotions) and anything with frosting.

MicroFan - This is an obsessed listener who somehow seems to get into the studio over and over again (usually by bringing up free CarboHeyThanks) and then tries to become part of the show by hovering near the microphone, looking for a chance to get on the air.

Account ExecuSniff - This is an Account Executive who somehow always knows when CarboHeyThanks have been delivered to the air studio - no matter how far away their cubicle is located. Some Account ExecuSniff's have olfactory nerves that are so sensitive, they sometimes supplement their income as human drug and bomb sniffing dogs.

EngiNearly - This is a Radio engineer who apparently has enough time in his day to take care of everything around the Radio station except fixing anything broken in the on-air studio. He's always “nearly” done with something and ready to tackle whatever it is you need fixed but somehow continues to get distracted with more important tasks like organizing screws by size and weight, sorting colored wiring into pretty stacks or reinstalling Windows XP Professional because "that damn Minesweeper program just isn't working".

- Corey Deitz

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