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The Terrible Alert chart indicates by color the current state of Radio programming. Here are the grades:

Green - Low - “Awful DJ One-Liners” - indicates an abundance of dumb, old, or just plain stupid jokes incessantly spewed from Radio deejays.

Blue - Guarded - “Same 20 Songs All Day” - Either the independent record reps paid an especially high amount of money to get their songs played or the music computer has the “Love” virus again. SOMETHING is really wrong because the songs being played are turning over faster than Alan Freed in his grave.

Yellow - Elevated - “Real Stupid Client Promotions” - Who thinks of these things? Deejays broadcasting from car dealerships and offering you a free hot dog so you'll come in and buy a $29,000 SUV.

Orange - High - “Morning Guy + 14-Year-Old = Scandal/Ratings Til Jail Time” - Nothing creates scandal, helps the ratings and ends a career faster than some Radio guy getting caught with a girl young enough to be his daughter. The only thing worse is getting caught with a 14-year-old boy - but, apparently Michael Jackson has that covered.

Red - Severe - “Look: We're Voice Tracked” - Armageddon! All is lost! Your local radio station has been turned into a Stepford Station. “And the hits keep comi - comi - comi - (quick, someone kick the hard-drive) coming!”

- Corey Deitz

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